im going to run away. forever.

When you come undone

newest addictions? Undone by Lifehouse and Gonna Get Over You by Sara Bareilles.. 

This post is now officially dedicated to Nathalie Taylor Munn. Shes the one thats been there through it all. Shed never leave me hangin (unless she was in church) If i get mad, she gets mad, if i get sad, she gets sad. shes my vineyard sissy: 

my Spaghetti dinner planning super hero (we obviously got a lot done this day..NOT):

and my fundraising friend: 

i love you dear, thanks for always being there<3

p.s. someday im going to write a whole post in spanish

Dear Santa,

every year its the same thing. maybe next year shell take those first steps, maybe next year shell say I love you, maybe next year shell be seizure free.


but its next year and im still waiting for her to walk over and climb in my lap, still waiting on the love, still watching those seizures.


next christmas shell open those presents, shell knock ornaments off the tree on PURPOSE instead of involentarily, next christmas there will be a cure.


but its next year and were still ripping the paper for her, the movements are still uncontrolable, and there is no cure.


so when is the last year? when do we get the perfect christmas? the one without the special chair, the one she gets to do things herself. why cant we have that? 

when the sadness comes round.

tonight i dont have the words to say because a girl my age has passed away because of Rett Syndrome. you realize that makes FIVE girls added to the Rett community in heaven within TWO months? Five girls that never had a chance to live up to their full potential, five girls that wont see their loved ones untill they make to to heaven themselves. FIVE girls laid under the ground. FIVE. 3 of them under seventeen. 


tonight my heart aches for the cure. it seems so far away. "we're so close" the doctors say. but everytime a rett girl dies it seems to get further and further away. with every sad remark about a hospital or a death, we take a step back. 


tonight i cant say anything to make anyone happy or the world a better place because tonight i am sad.

truly youly, beautiful.

http://operationbeautiful.com/


because everyone is perfect in their own mixed up way.
everyone is beautiful no matter what people say.

hate.

i wrote a poem. it goes as followed:

Giving up.

Giving in.

losing to my fate again.

Breaking down.

Losing hope.

Cant get off this downward slope.

The days come

the hours pass

but my heart just breaks like to thin glass

my smile shatters

like porcelain

while my heart continues caving in

an empty hole

take a place in my chest

for all the girls that have been laid to rest.

the end.

know why? yesterday a young woman named Caitlyn died. you know how old she was? twenty. two-zero.

know why? rett syndrome. thats right. rett. syndrome. 

that means (for most my readers) that your life is half over. and not only that but you lived your whole life trapped. 

this morning a girl only 15 years old is going home. to die in her own house. theres nothing more the doctors can do except send her home and pray she pulls through one more time. but the chance is like 3%.

i just want a cure. no more suffering.

its so heart breaking to read of the girls with seizures and pnemonia and even the unknown.

i just want a cure.

Happily ever after?!

more like happily NEVER after! 
Lately ive been looking through old pictures. its funny. we were soo cutee. but cute comes with nieve. Back when we thought the world simple and great. funny how things change right? i mean look at us:

(Rachel, Kelly, Sarah)

Its like back then things were perfect. it didnt matter if you kissed two different guys:

                                (Rachel, D*.)            (R*. Rachel) 

because there was no such thing as a slut or a whore.

The littlest member of our dalton tribe was still completely healthy:

(Dad, Poppy, baby Emma, Uncle markThen (Rachel, Sarah, Emma, Kelly)                   

Bottom row: Rachel, Kelly, Sarah)                              

Back when the smiles were genuine.

if that doesnt say adorable then you should get your head checked.

We were just a bunch of kids having fun 

Instead of some boys and girls forced to hang out together. 

It was true friendship. Nothing fake. Real laughs. real smiles. There was no plastic.

Tonight i feel like i just want to go back to those times. Everything was right in the world. It was like nothing could ever go wrong. Tonight im sad because im watching baby beaner grow up into this scary world of war and hate. On January 11th youll turn one bean. doesnt seem possible. Between the accident, gastro, surgery, and the first 3 months of life in the hospital it seems like 1-11-11 was just yesterday (yes that is her real birthday) and as miss Taylor Swift says "Never Grow Up" & "Stay Beautiful"

Im not really sure where im going with this post i just kind of said stuff. I miss the past but i know the futures good. Its just hard to watch bean grow up in a world of the kardashians and botox knowing that someday she might feel the same way i do sometimes. i dont think anyone should have to feel that way.

I suppose thats it for now!!! much love little doves! 

~Yours Truly!

P.S. this songs my life currently: 

P.P.S (or pss whatever it is) Thanks nat for showing me said song!

(ppps or psss: names are abbreviated for protection purposes!